Dwell

I find it rather funny that I wake up at 4am. Not funny haha but odd. Sleep has eluded me much of my life. My poor mother used to say, in a really tired voice, “she doesn’t require much sleep.” I know now that was her nice way of saying, Shari bounces off the walls. I am much more mature now…ok, older, and I don’t really bounce off the walls, but my mind always seems to be running. Like I woke up at four, mid dream, thinking about stuff. Some important stuff, like enrolling Katie in college, and unimportant stuff like dental floss, I need to get more. So since I left MLH I have been sleeping like a rock. Not just 8 hours a day like most people, but 10-12 hours a day, like a hibernating brown bear. I guess those days are over. I feel caught up, rested. But it is more than that. I dwell again. I used to have a reat deal of confidence, probably to the point of arrogance, in the way I was. But after leaving Meadowlark that confidence was shot. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I was no longer the confident leader but one of the ones who couldn’t make it, who couldn’t live the life required to be a servant leader at Meadowlark Hills. You may be thinking, it was just a job and you would be right. But in my mind it was my identity. And leaving meant failing. I had family members who knew I loved their residents, one of them was one of my best friends. I felt like I failed them, gave up on a responsibility and dissappointed them. And now I know it was a facade. I am dwelling somewhere else now. I work at another job and I enjoy it, but my career is elsewhere. My focus is changing. I intend to dwell in the house of the Lord. Salvation isn’t just an after you die thing. Salvation is now. I don’t know what exactly that means, but I invite you along for the journey, as much of it as I can share, anyway.