Brother Brother – New York Times

By IRA BERKOW
Published: September 13, 2006
CLEMSON, S.C., Sept. 12 — Amid the fans clad in juice-bright orange who swarmed the field here earlier this month after Clemson routed Florida Atlantic was a boy who ran toward his older brother, a player wearing No. 9.
Ray Ray McElrathbey has received a rare waiver from the N.C.A.A. that will allow him get financial assistance while his brother lives with him.
“I saw the two together, with big smiles on their faces,” Clemson Athletic Director Terry Don Phillips said. “And it gave me such a warm feeling — after all that’s happened, after all they’ve both gone through.”
The player was Ray Ray McElrathbey, a 19-year-old redshirt freshman cornerback and special-teams player who had had a good day with three tackles. The boy was his brother Fahmarr, 11.
The smile on Ray Ray’s face diminished just a bit, however, when Fahmarr said: “How come you missed that other tackle? You were right on that other boy.”
Ray Ray recalled this in an easy manner on the practice field Tuesday. “He can get on my nerves,” he said of Fahmarr, with a shake of his head.
It was a day after Ray Ray received a rare waiver from the National Collegiate Athletic Association that would allow him to get assistance from the university and the public in taking care of Fahmarr and still maintain his football eligibility.
Ray Ray gained temporary custody of his brother during the summer. They had both gone through years of living with a mother who was addicted to drugs and a father who was addicted to gambling.
Ray Ray said he still vividly recalled the “peppery” smell of crack cocaine from when he was growing up. Both brothers went through foster-care programs in their hometown, Atlanta, and neither liked it.
“I didn’t want Fahmarr going through any of that any more,” Ray Ray said. “And when he came to visit me over the summer, he didn’t want to go back home. And I didn’t want him to.”
So Ray Ray, who was born Ramon but has gone by Ray Ray for most of his life, asked Clemson if he could receive assistance beyond his scholarship. N.C.A.A. rules are strict on such a thing, but Clemson and the Atlantic Coast Conference appealed to the N.C.A.A. to establish a trust fund for Fahmarr that would help provide for food, clothing, shelter and medical needs.
“Once the N.C.A.A. became aware of the circumstances, we immediately began working with the A.C.C. and Clemson University to address this unique situation,” said Kevin Lennon, the N.C.A.A.’s vice president for membership services.
Among other things, Ray Ray will be allowed to seek local transportation and child care for Fahmarr while he is traveling with the team. He will also be allowed to have assigned adults pick up Fahmarr, a sixth grader, from his nearby school and drive him to Clemson’s football practice.
Clemson Coach Tommy Bowden said he was concerned at first when Fahmarr began showing up at practice.
“I mean, big-time football is a serious business, a multimillion-dollar business, and I thought a little kid running around would be a distraction,” Bowden said. “I mean, we didn’t need to be baby-sitting. But it’s worked out. The team has kind of adopted Fahmarr, and the other players take him out for hamburgers and try to help Ray Ray any way they can. It’s actually been a boost for us. And you can see Ray Ray trying to be an authoritative figure. Like when I asked Fahmarr a question, he said, ‘Yes.’ And Ray Ray corrected him: ‘That’s not how you answer. You mean, yes, sir.’ ” And Fahmarr said, ‘Yes, sir.’ ”
Ray Ray is 5 feet 11 inches tall, weighs 190 pounds and wears a thin beard. He knows he has his hands full, but he has not shirked the responsibility. “My pastor told me, ‘Even if you didn’t have football, even if you didn’t have class work, being a parent alone, you’d be busy as hell.’ In fact, Ray Ray McElrathbey has six other siblings, and he had contemplated also having his 16-year-old brother, Cornelius, live with him. “He’s with my mother now, and I think they’re between homes, but I’m not sure because she doesn’t have a phone,” McElrathbey said. “But I think for now, one of my brothers here is enough.”
When the family’s story was first circulated in the news media in mid-August, people from around the country called and wrote to offer financial assistance.
“It shows that humans out there care about other people and not just themselves,” McElrathbey said. He said he was excited about the N.C.A.A.’s decision that “lifted a little weight from my shoulders.”
He said the difference between being a brother and being a parent was discipline. “A brother will let things slide,” he said. “A parent can’t. And I don’t. I tell him, ‘I don’t want to catch any attitude, no pout up.’ He listens.”
While watching practice Tuesday afternoon, Fahmarr was asked about the hardest part about living with his brother. “He makes me do my homework,” he said.
When Ray Ray got home Sunday from Clemson’s 34-33 defeat at Boston College, Fahmarr said to him: “How’d y’all lose? I watched it, but I don’t know how y’all lost.”
Then his brother asked him again about missing another tackle. Ray Ray responded, “I told him, ‘Hey, kid, just remember who feeds you, O.K.?’ ”

Ray Ray McElrathbey, left, with his 11-year-old brother, Fahmarr. Ray Ray has temporary custody of his brother.